Former Catholics, always seem to tell the best stories about their childhood. Especially if they went to Catholic school. My internet friend Eddie tells one about his "First Holy Communion" that with his permission, I have copy and pasted from his blog and am going to share it with you here...
" I remember in second grade we were preparing for our First Holy Communion, Sister Mary Whatshername told us we must never, ever bite into the "Host" the Eucharist.
(For those of you unfamiliar with Catholic Absurdity, The Host, The Holy Eucharist, is an unleavened wafer that Catholics Believe is the body of Christ. Not that represents the body of Christ, like many other Christians believe, but actually is The Body of Christ. They even have a word for it, it's called the "Transubstantiation". Don't believe me? Look it up on the Vatican Website or any Catholic Encyclopedia for that matter. It's there, it really is!)
Anyway, when Sister told us we must never bite the Host, but rather, let it dissolve slowly in our mouth, and then swallow, I raised my hand and asked, why? Innocent enough question, I thought. I wasn't trying to be a smart ass, really. I was only seven, after-all. Well, She looked at me sternly, with her eyes ablaze and shouted...
"Because It Will Bleed In Your Mouth and You Will Burn In The Fires of Hell For All Eternity. That, Young Man, Is What Happens When You Violate The Body of Christ!" Ah, come on Sister I said, "You don't really believe that, do you?" With that, Sister raced down the aisle to where I was and vigorously slapped me across the face several times. (no easy feat for a 200 lb, 4 ft. 11 in. Nun)
Latter that month, when we made our "First Holy Communion" the first thing I did was Bite into the Host, as Hard as I could. You Know What? No Blood, Not a Drop! So I just kind of Grinned! I grinned as I solemnly walked back to my pew with my hands clasped in prayer. I did just as Sister taught me and just as we had been rehearsing for weeks. And that grin on my face. Believe it or not? No one saw it as sarcasm. In fact, Sister latter commented, "I could tell by the look on your face Edward, that you were finally filled with the Sanctifying Grace of the Holy Spirit". She kissed me on the forehead as she gleefully exclaimed how proud she was. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing, but I didn't.
You see, even at the age of Seven (the Catholic - Age of Reason), I was learning how to "Pass". How to survive, in this spiritually strange, and superstitious alien environment. I was learning how to be what Sister called, "A Perfect Little Angel". I was indeed, the Perfect Little "Straight Boy" and the Perfect Little Catholic! "
I just love stories about being raised Catholic or any religion for that matter. When you think about the crazy things that religions teach it's amazing they have any followers at all. I guess people just have a real need to believe in something. No matter how ridiculous or crazy, anything will do. Which is why I still cling to the story of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. LOL
